In Between

In Between...

Lots (and lots) of my friends are In Between.  In Between jobs, relationships, lifestyles, housing, drinking, finances and more. Happiness and unhappiness, satisfaction and dissatisfaction are at stake.

In Between looks like a lot of different things and it varies.  Blatant In Betweens include changing jobs or ending relationships.  Not so blatant are being dissatisfied, unsettled, or feeling unhappy. A key component to move from In Between to "all in" or "I'm out" is passion.  Another is to recognize "In Between" as an opportunity for something new or to break free of something that is not serving who we are meant to be.

Opportunities abound in In Between.  Yet, many (present company included) find that self-confidence and self-esteem can be low while In Between.  Hmmm.  Dilemma. In Between requires making choices and taking action to implement those choices.  Self-confidence is required.  Oh the irony.  Best advice:  Behave your way there.  Aka fake-it-til-you-make-it.  Those behaviors go a long way.  Ask tennis legend, Chris Evert, how she finally beat Martina Navratilova after a double digits, enduring losing streak.  Remind your fabulous self of the last time you were new at something.  You dug in and you dug deep.  You made it happen. 

Let's talk about my friend AB.  AB is a 50+ year old single mom of two adult kids, tenured VP for a multi-billion dollar company. She is well-liked and respected, is health conscious, in great physical shape and she is happy. 

At dinner on a chilly Illinois evening we were catching up.  Clearly I had the high volume of In Between opportunities including job search, ending of a major relationship (read prior posting) and 3 of 5 adult kids in transition.  That's when substance overtook volume when AB said:  "My doctor told me I drink too much."  My first thought was:  What courage to self-admit, let alone share out loud.

I asked AB, "What do you think?"  More courage as she openly shared her drinking patterns and how it has helped her relax, sleep, enjoy the full days.  In Between!  On the one hand, life is going really well and that life includes drinking.  On the other hand according to her trusted doc, this is of grave concern.  Realizing AB had not answered, I repeated the question, "What do YOU think?"  This time she paused then said... "This is not okay. It is affecting my cholesterol and being honest, I was already concerned about it."  Boom.  AB launched from In Between to owning making something different happen. And she has and is.  We are now informal and infrequent accountability partners and AB is excited about refocused efforts on healthy eating and healthier drinking.

Brilliantly, it pays forward.  Later that week, at dinner with a friend, the restaurant here in Nashville offered a 6 ounce (standard) or 9 ounce (Southern pour) of wine.  I'd never heard of the latter.  I am all for a bargain, which of course it was, and went for the 9.  Normal patterns pending, I would order a 2nd glass. That would have been 18 ounces. Because of AB's story and courage in sharing, I did not.  I, too, have moved from In Between to clear on what is acceptable, for me, at this time in my life.  Thank you, AB.

What are your In Betweens in this moment?  Where are you off the charts happy and satisfied, feeling light, energetic and grand, and where do you want something different to be happening?  Where are you meant to be and how are you getting there? 

Using a Wheel of Life tool (available from a certified iPEC Coach - contact me or go to www.ipeccoaching.com) you can complete a variety of self-assessments that identify areas you feel good about (all in) or areas you do not, or maybe not so sure about (In Betweens).  Getting a picture of current state takes courage and is the first step in getting closer to your meant-to-be self.

Endings, Beginnings

Endings are beginnings.  (The optimist.)
Beginnings have endings.  (The optimist.)

Recently I entered into a new relationship in what seems the safest way possible...
- We had known each other for years
- We had shared ups, down, ugly and joyful - I mean we shared a lot of feelings and information
- We enjoyed and liked each other from the start and it grew to what felt like respect and love

In other words, we launched from friend to lovers from a foundation of trust.

While sipping wine at our favorite, local Italian restaurant or walking hand-in-hand hiking in the sunshine streaming forest, we beamed that our heads and hearts were "all in."  We smiled, enjoyed, and planned our future.  At 58 and 68 respectively, we both felt a sense of urgency.  He met my daughters.  Need I say more about how special and real this seemed?

Past tense.  Over.  Beginnings have endings.  This ended in four months.  Darn.  But not really.  Because, thank goodness, endings are beginnings.  And so, there is much to celebrate and I am celebrating.  I felt, gave, and received love and material gifts, something that has been difficult.  Thrilled to tears of joy by my first helicopter ride and it was in the beauty of Sedona, Arizona. 

Side Note:  The pilot, Garrett, was a very cool, calm and collected young husband and dad who looked like a cross between young Tom Cruise (Top Gun-esque) and young Tom Selleck. He loved that this was my first ride and because I didn't throw up in the first three minutes, he did some special maneuvers up, down, and around those red orange mountains. 

I made room for someone in my life (surprising), and guess what? It was not only not difficult, it was easy and it felt good. 

Without sharing the gory details of the Ending (the curious can see below), suffice it to say that the learning and reminders include the following: 

1.  It was too easy to overlook things, important things, at the values level. Not smart to mess with values.

2.  The Ending was easier to process because I was attacked at my values level.  This has caused celebration with very little sadness.  Relief.  Gratitude abounds.

3.  Girlfriends.  Thanking my close Girlfriends and my Family for amazing support.  Thank you Anna Quindlen for Lots of Cake Plenty of Candles, seriously the perfect beach read and the not-so-perfect relationship ending. There is a chapter called Girlfriends. (smile)

4.  Forever Joy optimism.  Thank you Universe for this resilience. 

For those curious...  He ended us via cell phone while I was on Sanibel Island readying myself for a professional job search.  This could be awful, but in fact, it was brilliant.  I had 3.5 more days of waves, sand, ocean sounds all day and night, dolphins, pelicans, ions and girlfriend Diane for a daylong visit.  Is there a better way to settle and strengthen a heart? 

Thank you for reading! 

What has launched in your life as a result of an ending? 
What have you learned about yourself when a beginning comes into your life?

Navigating

Navigating at 57 is not that much different than it was at 17 or 37.  Or is it?

As complicated as it might have seemed back then (17 - how do I get me and my bright yellow 1971 Super Beetle from CT to CA; 37 - how do we raise these amazing five kids when we are so vastly outnumbered) today I seem to have an expectation of myself that it would (should - argh, that word...) be less complicated, easier.  In this moment, it is not.

New job.  New home.  New community.  New state.  New life. 

Everything feels new from food shopping to walking to talking with newly forming friends.

Navigating means allowing myself to be new. 
To laugh when I take the same wrong turn. 
To go solo to hit tennis balls when my hitting partner cancels. 

So it might all feel new, yet really...

Navigating means calling on the existing and growing strengths of foundation, friendship, and vision. 

Keep the solid foundation of love and life experiences...  and build on these.
Keep friends for life close by no matter how far they are; and ask for their support.
Keep clarity of and affirm, affirm, affirm the vision of what I want my life to be.

Navigating at 57 is different. 

Women of the Fifties in their Fifties

Sunday February 3, 2013

This morning it dawned on me (before dawn, LoL) that women of the 1950s are darned amazing!  Why do I think so?  Get ready... you are no doubt part of these awesome observations!

• Our 30 years of post-20 year-old experiences have built a foundation that is stable and strong. We handle what that life brings our way. We just do.
• Our skin has thickened while our hearts have opened.
• Our capacity for loving, enduring, supporting, and challenging the status quo is off the charts and making a difference professionally, in our communities, and personally!

We are charting new territory as our families and friends shift and change, grow and fade away.  Some are clear with purpose and focus; others search for the same.  We are there for each other.  We are there caring for elders and mentoring the youth.  We are taking care of our selves.  This is what matters.

Noteworthy callouts...

LJ - active military including three overseas deployments to Germany & Afghanistan and earned a Master's - all of this post fifty.

GDM - rising way above key life challenges (her own) while (!!!) always there for others with a seemingly endless amount of compassion and comportment for those in need.

PT - single mom working 2-3 nursing jobs while keeping her son her #1 priority and successfully transitioning to empty nest as he launches his life in college & ROTC program.

JJ - successfully and with diligence navigates her business through the most difficult economic times while redefining her family with a husband, son to college, grandbabies!

DS - flourishing in career, personal health, and empty nesting.

PM - finding a way to support eldercare, working, and all the changes in kids' lives that directly or indirectly include "mom" (of which she, and all the above, are amazing)

Women of every decade are to be admired!  I might just be a bit partial to we women of the fifties.

Also in the fifties...

• NASA was founded.
• Peanuts was published.
• First organ transplant.
• First credit card.
• DNA discovered.
• Rosa Parks refuses back of the bus.
• Lego blocks.
• Sound of Music opens.
• Castro becomes Cuba's leader.
• The PEACE Symbol created.
• Car seat belts.
• Disneyland opens.

A darned productive decade!  ENJOY your accomplishments, loves, and passions.  Laugh lots. 
Thanks for reading!  Please share your thoughts. 

Meant To Be Healthy

Meant To Be Healthy

Today's post on Being Healthy stems from a realization (some might say a big duh) that Being Healthy must be defined and, over time, redefined by each of us.

Being Healthy today, January 12, 2013 means I am...

Physically Fit - running, tennis, yoga, walking, free weights and slant boards are my tools along with the awareness while doing these activities of the goodness I am bringing to my body. Eating healthy foods, drinking lots of water, and breathing exercises too.

Emotionally Strong - not letting negativity in nor letting it seep or slam out (with the occasional venting session with a trusted friend); detachment from drama - something I am working on, know it works because it has and does, and not yet consistently there.  Finding joy and laughter daily.  Meditation.  Eathing the occasional comfort food... This season it is popcorn practically floating in butter.

Financially Fine and Flourishing - focused on debt-free living; allowing financial abundance; realizing there is plenty for everyone and sharing is a way of caring and the universe provides.

Grateful - day and night now with increasing breadth, depth, and frequency gratitude fills me with JOY.  This JOY releases tears that were bottled up under a misconception of what being strong was.  Grateful for the passion for my profession of Learning & Development... For the amazing Friends that share themselves and let me share me so openly... For the family that loves, laughs, and enJOYs each other every day. 

Today, those are my Being Healthy buckets.  Checking in means being honest with my self, seeing the current state and what I want me to be, and making adjustments - sometimes fine-tuning, other times big ticket change.

What are your Being Healthy buckets? 
How are you taking care of your self?

Namaste


JoyVictoria

58,400 Times - This Time a Gift

Last night my amazing, accomplished, and lifelong learning friend Deb smiled with deep understanding and joy when I shared a recent experience.  Hence, today's post.

After a wonderful weekend with Callie in Chicago (enjoying a Jackson Browne concert, dinner at Sullivan's and the Peanuts Exhibit), combined with laughter, food, and fun with Sean and Yana in Chesterton, IN, and conversations live or text with Shannon, Kasey and Molly, by Sunday evening I was back to empty nesting. 

Making a simple, no-carb, delicious meal of roasted asparagus and brussels sprouts with homemade vinaigrette and mayonnaise respectively, I headed down the familiar flight of seven stairs with my dinner plate, the remote, and the Sunday NY Times.  It was time for 60 Minutes. 

Quick calculations suggest that I have been up and down these steps 58,400 times equaling 306,600 steps on this stairwell alone - one of five in the house.  The thing is, this time on the way down a thought streamed into my head and heart that halted and exulted: 

I have nothing that needs to be done right now except what I am choosing to do.  To use today's language... Seriously?  A mental checklist appeared fiercely competing with "nothing that needs to be done."  For the first time in decades (nearly three in fact) "nothing" won out.  Go me.

Those last three steps leading to the couch were lighter and filled with a keen awareness of joy and gratitude for my kids, my home, health, career and more.  I placed my meal, the paper, and the remote just as I wanted and didn't even gripe when football ran long, delaying 60 Minutes.  It didn't matter.  Time was my own tonight.  TIME WAS MINE.  Amazing.

A few days later I was with my neighbor, a mother of two ages 12 and 5.  She was lamenting the lack of time in her life and feeling overwhelmed.  Trying to help but quickly realizing it would not, I shared this story.  She looked right at me and said, "Never gonna happen."  I know that feeling.  Gratitude again.

Gratitude galore that the kids and I have made it to this amazing age and stage in life. 

September 23, 2012 from Libertyville, IL

Another Something New Post Fifty

Along with tennis, being comfortable staying in a friend's home, and attending the US OPEN, all of which happened after turning fifty, I am now a believer and joyful user of Cheesecloth.  Oh yes, and using the iPhone camera, too.  Keep reading...

Earlier this evening, I honored my reduced-starchy-carb eating self with a recipe that called for grated sweet potato, apple, onion, and carrot - and the use of cheesecloth or paper towel to remove the moisture before preparing the mixture for cooking. I had seen the recipe in a magazine while getting a no-polish pedicure and so proud of myself for taking a picture of it with my iPhone 4.  (No, I did not stand in line to purchase one of the $8M worth of iPhone 5's sold this weekend...)

Whenever I come upon the word "cheesecloth" I think of my dad, Fred Bishop.  (I called him Da, not Dad, for 91 years.)  He took over the household cooking about the time I was gaining interest in cooking.  He would bring home amazing foods and cooking utensils from Zabar's in New York, and the (then) new Trader Joe's in Darien, Connecticut. As a child born in 1916 in Winnepeg, Canada, he knew hardship and not enough food.  So, for this to be his life at sixty-plus was quite an accomplishment.

When Fred passed in 2008, I was very familiar with his kitchen.  All of his thoughtfully purchased culinary inventory became mine.  His spices likely dated back to the 1950s in Stamford, CT.  The knives were the best of the best.  Boxing this up was bittersweet in that I was able to replace my own lesser-quality items and give some to his grandkids. That was a joy. 

For some reason during the packing up, I noted the cheesecloth.  Maybe because I never deemed myself "good enough" in the kitchen to even use the darned stuff.  I kept his package of cheesecloth, and tonight, four years later, I used it.  I loved it!  Compared to paper towel there is no comparison! Wow.

So - when all is said and done... Cheesecloth is queen of the kitchen today, and my dad the best role model for living life after fifty that I have known.

I love you, Da, and Mom. Thanks for all you gave me in thought and deed.